Cougar??

So,there is the guy who works the for gym that I attend. He is so cute to me. Anyway we never really had a conversation. Of course I told my bf about him and she was like talk to him. So, yesterday when I walked in he instantly started a conversation with me. We were talking and flirting. During this time he made a comment about what I was wearing and I said I should come here more often dress liked this if you gonna say stuff like that. Once I made this comment he proceeded to walk over to the computer and he said, only if I was 5 years older, I'm only 22. He thinks I'm old. After that comment I changed the subject and made my exit. I told my friend about it and she was like he thinks you are a cougar.

What are thoughts of cougars? Older women and younger men? Plus, when did people start seeing 30 as being old?



Another tidbit.......

I have a male friend, lets name him Cook Boy cause he likes to cook. Anyway Cook Boy and I pretty good friends we hang out but the thing is, is that he wants to be more than friends. We have discussed this on several occasions and we came to an agreement that we would be friends. Ok, so fast forward to today we are having a conversation about my hair and he proceeds to ask me if I shave, I respond with no I don't that is what my beautician is for, he says no not that, you know what I am talking about. I got extremely angry by this comment. I was like that is none of your fucking business. We are suppose to be friends and friends only, I don't answer questions like that from my friends especially male friends. Did I over react? Maybe, maybe not. Thoughts or comments???

Deuces...........

I was so sad this morning so I decided to take a walk, and on this said walk I grew very angry and all that sadness went out the window.

Its Our Anniversary...... NOT

Today would have been my five year wedding anniversary. It would have been a total of 13 years that we would have been together. I'm a little sad. It hurts that we are no longer together. Legally we still are, but emotionally, physically, or mentally we are not. I have been thinking about him a lot lately. All the fun we used to have together, experiencing new things together, there was a time when I just wanted to be in his presence. When we were happy, we were happy, now we don't even talk. I'm feeling a little down.

Deuces......

Confused

I am honestly confused as to why I have a blog. I love to read blogs, I read them all the time, some I read everyday, but why is it I have a blog and don't blog. I have all these blog topics written down and they never end up on this blog. It baffles me.

Deuces......

Failure

What is failure? According to the definition failure is the condition or fact of not achieving the desired end or ends, one that fails, the condition or fact of being insufficient or falling short, or a decline in strength or effectiveness. I have only mentioned part of the definition, it goes on. I mentioned the part that I feel describes me. This is how I feel right about now.



Failure has always been a fear of mine. You always want to succeed in whatever you do. Most people know how to handle success but how do you handle failure? Even when you have people around you that genuinely care, what about those times when you are alone with your thoughts. I constantly think about that I am about to be 30 years old, with no job, no husband(we are getting a divorce), living at home with my parents, with no income. Am I a failure because of those things? In my mind yes. I feel like I have failed myself, failed my family, and my friends. Don't get me wrong, I am very grateful for my family and friends, they have both provided support in more ways than one. The feelings still linger.



Whats crazy is while typing this post, I was browsing the net and came across this scripture:
Romans 8:18 For I reckon that the sufferings of the present time are not worthy to be compared with the glory which shall be revealed in us.

WOW, I got chills just from reading that.

This feeling of failure is only temporary. It shall pass.

Deuces...........

Inhale....Exhale....

That's what I keep telling myself. Just breathe...... I feel like I have the weight of the world on my shoulders. I feel overwhelmed. I am trying not to think about it but it stays in the back of my mind.



I have to go to court tomorrow for a ticket I got like 2 weeks ago. This is my first ticket, my perfect driving record has been ruined.

Last week my computer caught a virus, the power supply went out, and it cost a $100.00 to get it fixed. I got it back and its acting funny to me. This woman is going to make me show up to her door.


On a happier note, I met someone new. I don't know where it will go. I have decided to just enjoy it while it last. That all I can do, right.

Just a little update on whats going on with me.

Deuces........

Officially Missing You

This song has been on repeat in my head all day long. I don't want to miss him. That's why I told my girls that I wanted to go out tonight. I need to free my mind.

On another note, I have been neglecting my blog. I need to do better, much better. I will, I promise.

Until next time

Deuces.......