Failure

What is failure? According to the definition failure is the condition or fact of not achieving the desired end or ends, one that fails, the condition or fact of being insufficient or falling short, or a decline in strength or effectiveness. I have only mentioned part of the definition, it goes on. I mentioned the part that I feel describes me. This is how I feel right about now.



Failure has always been a fear of mine. You always want to succeed in whatever you do. Most people know how to handle success but how do you handle failure? Even when you have people around you that genuinely care, what about those times when you are alone with your thoughts. I constantly think about that I am about to be 30 years old, with no job, no husband(we are getting a divorce), living at home with my parents, with no income. Am I a failure because of those things? In my mind yes. I feel like I have failed myself, failed my family, and my friends. Don't get me wrong, I am very grateful for my family and friends, they have both provided support in more ways than one. The feelings still linger.



Whats crazy is while typing this post, I was browsing the net and came across this scripture:
Romans 8:18 For I reckon that the sufferings of the present time are not worthy to be compared with the glory which shall be revealed in us.

WOW, I got chills just from reading that.

This feeling of failure is only temporary. It shall pass.

Deuces...........

Inhale....Exhale....

That's what I keep telling myself. Just breathe...... I feel like I have the weight of the world on my shoulders. I feel overwhelmed. I am trying not to think about it but it stays in the back of my mind.



I have to go to court tomorrow for a ticket I got like 2 weeks ago. This is my first ticket, my perfect driving record has been ruined.

Last week my computer caught a virus, the power supply went out, and it cost a $100.00 to get it fixed. I got it back and its acting funny to me. This woman is going to make me show up to her door.


On a happier note, I met someone new. I don't know where it will go. I have decided to just enjoy it while it last. That all I can do, right.

Just a little update on whats going on with me.

Deuces........

Officially Missing You

This song has been on repeat in my head all day long. I don't want to miss him. That's why I told my girls that I wanted to go out tonight. I need to free my mind.

On another note, I have been neglecting my blog. I need to do better, much better. I will, I promise.

Until next time

Deuces.......

Let it Go

How do you know when to let it go? How do you when its time for someone or something to leave your life. I'm talking in general whether its a friendship, intimate relationship, or maybe an item you just can't part with.

My problem is that I know I need to let go, but I'm afraid of letting go. Either I'm afraid or just don't want to.

I have a friend a person I have been friends with for 6 or more years, and now things have really changed. I have changed as a person and she has not. She is so negative most of the time and she is one of those people who talk about what they want but don't really strive to get it, like where is your motivation? I have out grown her. It took me losing my job to get a new outlook on things. I think about things so differently now, I appreciate my friends and family more, and I know just how strong I am.

Its funny because I started this post on Saturday and told some really good friends of mine about what I wanted to write about Saturday night, went to church on Sunday and the pastor spoke about this very subject. He spoke of letting go of old habits, old entanglements, and old expectations. He said that to let go, all you have to do is take that step forward and keep moving.

How do I take that step without feeling guilty about it? Should I feel guilty about it? That is a flaw of mine, beating myself about anything. Why should I feel guilty if I know that in the long run this is going to make me a better person.

Its time for me to take that first step, I'll make sure to let you know how it goes.


Deuces.........

WTF????

So today, I am going to talk about what has been weighing heavily on my mind.
My estranged husband whom I have been separated from for over a year all of sudden "wants me back". My first thought was seriously. Its like don't get me wrong, I still care about him and I loved what we had, but do I want him back? Its like I have a lot of resentment towards him. For 8 months I have been out of work, bill collectors calling all the time, car almost getting taken, and my cell phone is always off then on, and this B.A.N. (bitch ass nigga) ain't do shit. I would have to beg him for some freaking gas money. No calls to say hey mrsgetitbytch how you doing, do you need anything? He threw me to the side of the road and didn't look back. I hate him for treating me like that. Who does their wife like that, separated or not? I know and he know that I would have never done him like that at all. I deserve someone that loves me unconditionally and will always be there for me in my time in need.

Now don't get me wrong, I tried to make it work. I was quoting bible scriptures to him, asking him to spend some time with me, and calling just to see how he was doing. I had moved past all the things that happened between us that lead to our separation. That is a whole other post. At one point, I felt like a salesman, because I was trying to sell our relationship, trying to sell me to him, when he should have wanted this all along. So finally I got with the program and just accepted the fact that he didn't want me or the relationship.

Now here he comes with the I want you backs and I can't see myself without you and I want this to work crap. Really........ I am at a lost, I don't know what to do. Do I just take it day by day? Is this relationship really worth it? How do I know that he won't do it again? Why now? Why he didn't want it when I wanted it? I just don't know if I can be with someone who treated me like that, it is unforgivable in my mind and how could he ever make it up to me?

I have a lot of thinking to do.

Deuces................

Happy New Year

Wow, its a whole new year, where did 2009 go? I can't say that I'm sad to see 2009 go. 2009 was rough, not just for me, but for a lot of different folks.

The year ended and began with me spending time with those I care about. It was good times, maybe I will post a pic later.

This year, for 2010 I decided to do some New Years Resolutions. I believe that these resolutions will help me grow and become a better person.

#1 Stop being negative
(I want to make a conscious effort to be positive, I want to focus on the positive of every situation instead of going straight for the negative.)
#2 Be Happy
(For the longest, I have allowed others to determine my happiness, now I want to be the originator of my happiness.)
#3 Get a Job
( I have been out of work for 8 months as of today, I need and want a job badly.)
#4 Exercise
(I want to make an effort to exercise on a consistent basis. I usually get in an exercise phase where I exercise all the time, then I stop. )

I have never been the one to keep resolutions but this year will be different.
I believe that 2010 will be a good year for me. People will see a new Mrsgetitbytch and they will either love me or hate me. This year is about me starting over, me getting to know who I am.

Deuces................

Introduce Yourself

I started this blog so that I can have a safe place to vent about the things that are going on in my life right now. It will be completely random and sometimes it won't make any sense.

A little background on me is that, I am 29 years old, I'm not afraid of turning 30 in fact I can't wait. I am currently going through a separation with my husband which is headed toward divorce, I have been unemployed for 7 months as of today, and I was forced to move back with my parents because my husband left me. That's me in a nutshell.

Through this blog you will learn a lot about me, I will voice my opinions, and I will be honest 100% of the time.

Let the journey begin......................